By the time Meredith got to her quarters, she was exhausted. Kathryn helped her to the bed and placed the pillows so that she could sit up comfortably, then covered her with a soft blanket. After using her replicator ration for two cups of coffee, she gave one cup to Meredith then sat down on the bed.

"I guess this is the point at which the friendship ends and the working relationship begins," Meredith said. "Have you decided where to assign me?"

"I've given that a lot of thought," Kathryn replied, "but before I make the assignment I have to do two things: One is talk to the crewmember whose position you'll be assuming, and the other is to let you know in no uncertain terms that this friendship is not at an end. It's just beginning, and I expect it to grow and deepen with time. There is something else I need to tell you, though. While we were on the planet yesterday, Lt. Tuvok, acting under Commander Chakotay's orders, downloaded your ship's files to Voyager and rifled through them collecting information on your crew. It was a breach of ethics for which they are now paying dearly. I apologize for their actions."

"Don't," Meredith told her. "I'm on a Starfleet vessel, and as a criminal I represent a security risk. They didn't break any hard and fast rules."

"You're not a criminal, Meredith."

"Yes, I am. I was court martialed and thrown out of the service. Tavasia was my own personal Kobyashi Maru. It was a no-win situation, and unlike James Kirk, I couldn't reprogram the computer just to inflate my ego. We all went through the no-win scenario at the Academy but that was just to test our reactions. There were no real consequences after you walked out of the simulation. On Tavasia, I had a choice: I could abide by Federation directives, doing absolutely nothing and hating myself to the point of suicide, or I could break the rules and do what I believed was right. I chose the latter. The fact remains, however, that I broke a rule which was established for a very good reason and is right 99% of the time. And you should know now that if I were put in the same situation again, I'd follow my own moral rules if they conflicted with Starfleet's. I'm sure knowing that puts you in a bind right now, but you deserve the truth and I would never give you anything less."

"I appreciate your honesty," Kathryn told her, "and I wish I could promise you that you'd never have to face that sort of thing again, but out here," she waved in the direction of the stars, visible from Meredith's bedside, "anything is possible. We've probably had more first contact situations than any Starfleet crew in the past 80 years. Inevitably, we've been drawn into the political affairs of some of those cultures and we've had to make some hard choices."

Kathryn looked away for a moment, unsure of what to say next. Meredith could tell she wanted to talk about something, but didn't know quite how to bring it up.

"Kathryn," she said softly, "what is it? What are you thinking?"

"I finally got around to reading the rest of your file last night. I'm so sorry about your husband and your sons. So many devastating things happened to you in the short span of a year. I don't know how you stood it."

Meredith smiled sadly. "I almost didn't," she said. "A few weeks after my little mental breakdown on Tavasia, Starfleet decided that my medals should be taken away from me in a very solemn ceremony. I couldn't just drop them off at Starfleet HQ, or send them by messenger, no, I had to be punished in front witnesses for my transgressions. I was ordered to report to the Conference Hall at HQ, and when I got there, there were over 100 senior cadets and more officers than I could count. The charges against me and my dishonorable discharge were read aloud and then one by one each medal was called for and taken by Admiral Nechayev. God, I hate that woman. Anyway, as soon as all the medals were gone, I was dismissed. I had to walk out of the Hall past people who'd just seen me stripped of everything I'd dedicated my life to since I was sixteen years old. I suppose it was a good lesson for the cadets, though. 'Break our rules,and we'll break you'. At that point it hit me; my family was dead, my career was over. There was literally no reason for me to live. I made up my mind as I left HQ that I would find a quiet, out-of-the-way place and put myself out of everyone's misery. That's exactly what I would have done if Admiral Jenner hadn't caught up with me and offered me the freighter job. There was no prestige in it, but at least I'd have my own ship and crew again. And I've always been at my best in the Captain's chair."

Kathryn took Meredith's hand in her own. "That's what you were thinking during our poker game, wasn't it?" she asked.

"The thought did cross my mind," Meredith admitted, "especially when those aces and eights showed up, but when we were on the planet and that swarm hit I suddenly felt as if I had a purpose again. Then in Sickbay, when I saw my crew gathered around and you there beside me, I felt strong and I knew I wanted to live."

"Thank God," Kathryn said in a whisper. "I owe you my life, you know."

"Hey, you rescued me first, I was just returning the favor."

Kathryn smiled. Their meeting in Delta Quadrant had been more a bizarre quirk of fate than a rescue attempt, whereas Meredith's actions on the planet had been quite deliberate. There was a big difference there. She decided to let it go at that.

"There's something else I'm curious about, though," she said. "There aren't many Starfleet captains who began their careers as science officers. What prompted you to make the change?"

"I could ask you the same question, but since you asked first, and if you have time for another boring story, I'll tell you."

"My dear," Kathryn said, laughing, "I can't imagine one of your stories being boring. By all means, proceed."

"Well," Meredith began, "after I graduated from the Academy with a degree in Molecular Biology, I was assigned to the Excelsior as a Junior Science Officer. We ended up facing off against the Cardassians who were quietly invading Mrenda III."

"Mmm," Kathryn took another sip of coffee, "I remember that."

"Since I'd had some training as a field medic, I was sent down with a group from Sickbay to help treat the wounded. Somehow the Cardassians got past the perimeter and trapped nine of us in a small canyon. You know it's standard procedure to study the area of a planet to which you're assigned, and apparently I was the only one who'd done her homework because no one else had any idea how to get out of the canyon without running smack into the Cardassians. I informed the senior officer, who was a wonderful doctor but not much of a soldier, that I'd studied the maps and might know of a way out. I drew a simple map in the sand and showed them the passes I knew of in the area. Then Doctor Hamilton, sweet but misguided man that he was, put me in command. Now, you know, it's not usually a great idea to put an Ensign fresh out of the Academy in command of anything, but these were medical personnel who'd been stuck in Sickbay for their entire careers and had forgotten whatever combat training they may have had. I ended up leading them past two Cardassian patrols and back to field headquarters. Somehow, after that little taste of command, I knew I was hooked."

"That's where you were wounded the first time, isn't it?" Kathryn asked.

"Right. After I got the others to HQ, they decided to fall back so they started moving the headquarters. I went back and set traps for the Cardassians to slow them down. That wasn't my idea, by the way. I was ordered to since I was familiar with the trails. I was setting a trap when I heard something and looked up to see a huge Cardassian drawing his weapon. I drew my phaser and fired. I think we fired at the same time, but I was the better shot. He ended up dead, and I had a gaping hole in my left thigh. I crawled along the path until I found a hefty stick I could use as a crutch. It took me over six hours to get to the new field headquarters, but thankfully the traps I set kept the Cardassians busy enough to allow me time to get there. I was depressed for months after that."

"You got a Purple Heart, a medal of Valor and you saved lives, what's to be depressed about?"

"I'd never killed anyone before," Meredith responded sadly. "I was glad that if it had to happen, it happened before I took the reins of a ship, though. Sometimes it seems so easy to shout 'Fire' and watch another ship explode. You don't stop to think that there are people on that ship and you're taking their lives. Looking someone in the eye and firing is an entirely different matter. Entirely different."

"That's very true," Kathryn said.

"You know, as much as I love command, I do miss biology. Starfleet had a problem with combining the two."

"True. In my case, though, Mathematics was more a part of the job than biology, so I got to stay in practice."

Meredith took another sip of coffee then closed her eyes. Kathryn could see that she was tired out, but not impolite enough to ask her to leave. Time to exit stage left.

"Well," she said, "I've got work to do."

She stood to leave, then looked back at Meredith. "I want you to rest," she said firmly, "your crew is in good hands, and I want you in top condition when you report for duty."

"I can't wait to find out where," said Meredith.

"I'll let you know this afternoon. Until then, sleep."

As Kathryn left the room, Meredith stretched out and closed her eyes again. Sleep came easily, and her dreams were not of Tavasia, but of Earth, and the warm Georgia soil she missed so much.

"Right," Kathryn replied, returning the grin.